The village spa newcastle

I will be honest and say I hadn't really been to a spa weekend before until my mate got a good deal at the village spa and hotel in Newcastle. The offer was for two treatments per person, breakfast and a three course evening meal and unlimited use of the gym, pool, sauna and steam room. Now I used to be a lifeguard so I love swimming so that is what swayed it for me! Free swimming for the whole weekend....boss!
We had to get the bus there cos I didn't have a clue where it was and I don't deal well with driving to places I don't know but the bus stop was right outside.
First impressions were that it looked like a hotel and not at all like a spa, there was even a club in it which was booked for the night by a tribute band, and a coffee shop in the foyer (we got free hot choc cos we used to work with the girl there and she recognised us...its not what you know it's who you know!).
We were sharing a room with twin beds, and honestly the room was okay for what it was but nothing impressive. There was a TV and coffee making facilities but other than that it was quite bare and the view was of some allotments. Couldn't really complain for what we paid though.
We got there late on so we decided to go swimming straight away and have our treatments the next day. The pool was lovely, and empty other than a few gym heads (yanno the lads who look a bit triangular with their muscly top half's and skinny legs...not impressive) and a lifeguard (who my mate fancied....cue us trying to swim seductively past him then me nearly drowning cos my belly bar ball  came off and I panicked and swallowed water...smooth I know). There was some Jacuzzis full of old women who were actually lovely and we had a nice convo about where to holiday in America (they were rich so everywhere they suggested was dead expensive). We alternated between swimming, jacuzzing and going in the sauna (the steam room was broken). There was also some sun loungers which we commandeered. ..typical mackems!
After a while a group of lads came in which perked r up (my mate) as she fancied her chances with all of them. I was with PB so wasn't interested which made them more interested in me...lads eh! R got a bit sick of them hitting on me so we went back to the room (there was no changing rooms free so we had to change in the communal bit. Dunno if you have ever been in that situation but no way was anyone seeing my lady parts so I made my towel into a tent ha ha).
The meal that night was amazing, I'm not gonna lie it was fit! I was full just off the starter though! I had garlic mushrooms and they were huge. For main I had chicken with garlic mashed potato and veg (I was disappointed with the mash actually) and dessert was a huuuuge piece of chocolate cake. By huge I mean bigger than  my head! I couldn't finish it so the nice waitress boxed it up for me :-)

In the morning we went swimming again, then got changed for our treatments. I had a facial (so lovely and my skin looked boss after) and a massage.  Now, I don't know if I'm thick but I thought a massage was meant to relax you. Not mine. I got a moody girl who literally damaged the muscle in my back and jaw and I couldn't open my mouth for a good hour (to the delight of r) and I ended up going to a&e for my back later that day. R also had a massage and hers was fine so maybe I was just unlucky.
R went swimming again while I sat in the jacuzzi due to not being able to move and r finally got the number from the lifeguard. 
We had another meal and honestly I would go there again just for the food! And we had a quick hot choc before we left.
I haven't mentioned drinks yet, we both were boring and had archers and lemonade and then moved onto vodka.

Overall I would go back again and my mate did go back there when she was pregnant! I would Deffo not get a massage again though!

@mackembeauty2
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